Well, in the last four days or so, everything has gone to shit in here. You won't believe what this place did to me. Well, I ordered a TV awhile back and I just got it a couple of weeks ago. Out of nowhere this place came and took it and they are making me send it home. They are saying that there is a "new rule" stating that if you get 2 write-ups within a 180 day period they can take your TV and make you mail it home. Well I guess they didn't feel they needed to let us know about this "new rule." So they let me spend all my money that I have been saving on this TV, and instead of sending it back when it got here and telling me about this "new rule" they just gave it to me, put my name on it, then turned right around and took it back. And since this place put my name on it, I can't send it back and get a refund. So I'm out $190.00 for a couple of days of TV. It doesn't make any damn sense at all! I just can't figure out why this place would allow me to spend the money on the TV when they knew they were just going to take it. Just another example of things this place does to make our lives miserable. Personally, I think this place allowed me to order the TV and then blindsided me the way they did for financial gain. I had to pay this institution 10% of the TV price just to order it. I'm already going through the grievance process here to try to stop this bullshit. I'm not so mad at the face that they are taking my TV privileges, because I'd rather read anyway, but I spent all my damn money on the TV for nothing. And that bothers me a whole bunch. Plus, I'm pissed how they blindsided me with this "new rule."
So that was the biggest blow of the week. But not the only one. Also, this same officer who took my TV says I'm a bad influence on the other white boys and moved me to another cell. It's real ironic how it's one of the only cells without almost no air conditioning. Damn, I breathe harder than the air blows! :-) I will have to say, out of all the hell holes I've been in, this is by far the worst. I tell you without exaggeration there is not a time in the dy or night that I'm not covered in sweat. I do know what this correctional officer is trying to do; he told me that he will break me and that is what he is trying to do. It has been an ongoing battle between me and him for the last 7 months or so. He hates me and the feeling is mutual. He is one of the worst people I've ever met. He wants everyone to bow down to him and be scared of him. he thinks he's so much better than everyone when in reality he's just a coward who likes to take his frustration out on us inmates. We're an easy target because we are in our cells 24 hours a day and can't do anything. (I'm actually looking out at my door at him as I write, and yes, I'm smiling!) The best thing about this is he's so conceited, he doesn't realize he can't break me. The TV and money is all material and this hot ass cell is only physically tiring. You know? So I refuse to allow him in my head and he can't win. He can take the little freedom this place offers, he can take my property, but he can't take my honor, pride, or heart.
Anyway, sorry for all the own and out stuff. Well, today is the Fourth of July, and I was surprised how this place treated us. Or fed us, actually. We had a very good dinner. We got a hamburger, hot link, ice cream bar, and even a slice of watermelon! Best meal I've had in a few years. You would think you would get fed good if you were celebrating something, but I'm not sure if I was celebrating anything. Especially not the Fourth of July. The day of celebrating freedom. I don't think I have any standing to be celebrating freedom! But nonetheless, it was a good dinner.
From Xena/She-Ra (Letter 7)
3 days ago